The second part of the Marriage Boosters workshop was discussed by Pastor Patrick & Carla Mercado.
For those who are reading my Marriage Boosters 2-part blog series, the first part was discussed by Pastor Emil & Crickette Abello who have been married for more than thirty years.
Pastor Patrick & Carla Mercado have been married for almost a decade, so the full event was actually hearing from two successful marriages in two different seasons.
(READ: Notes from Marriage Boosters 2023: Seasons of Love Part 1)
Again, please note that this blog is not a 100% exact documentation of the event as some of the things I am sharing are my own insights based on how I understood the discussions. But I pray that the Holy Spirit will be the one to speak to your heart on what you need to learn in order to grow in your own marriages.
Types of Seasons in Marriage
The Mercado’s topic was on how to handle the changes and shifts in seasons as a couple. According to them, there are two types of seasons in marriage: Temporal and Cyclical.
Temporal changes are the types of changes that occur over a period of time. They may be short-term, long term or in between.
For example, the pandemic lockdown was a temporal season.
I think that we are on a temporal season as we have acquired a few loans to build our first family home, so there are things to be adjusted until we are able to ease out of two of those loans and regain our footing when only the Pag-IBIG loan is left to pay for.
Cyclical changes are the changes that follow a cycle. For example, becoming parents has stages that directly affects your dynamics as a couple.
Because of these changes, there is a shift in behaviour that you need to be able to prepare for as a couple.
The Mercados reminded the audience that these changes in our marriages are actually in our marriage vows —
“In sickness and in health, for better or for worse.”
If we go back and review our vows, we have made a promise to each other to stay together even as seasons change.
So, what do we do when seasons change? Here are some of the practical ways the Mercados shared with us:
1. Discuss with your spouse these major changes, so that both of you can share what you need from one another.
It is imperative that you sit down with your spouse and discuss these changes, so that you can move together in the new season as one.
Together, as a team.
One of you may not be clearly aware of the changes that are happening and the adjustments that need to be adapted, which can cause confusion and misunderstanding between the two of you. The Mercados added, “frustrations happen when you don’t know what is expected of you.”
I would think that because you and your spouse are two different people, sometimes, the way we see things are not the same, that’s why the best thing to do is to sit down and lay things out on the table.
The Mercados also said something about shared and delegated responsibilities.
Pastor Patrick explains that there are responsibilities that he entrusts fully for Carla to handle, but there are responsibilities that he cannot simply leave Carla to deal with by herself because it is his responsibility, too.
I forgot what his example was for this, but I would assume that one of these shared responsibilities would be caring and disciplining their young children.
2. Build relationships with couples in the same season and those who have been in the same season.
Basically, what Carla was saying here was the value of surrounding yourself with a strong community of believers and being intentional in finding married couples who can walk with you and help guide you and redirect you back to Christ when you need help.
Proverbs 15:22, “Without counsel, plans fail. With many advisors, they succeed.”
One of the challenges of joining a huge church like ours, sometimes, is connecting and building relationships with other couples. I empathize with this because until now, I still struggle to connect with people in the church God has called us to. But here’s the thing –you cannot simply wait for these things to fall into your lap — take the initiative to connect with other couples that will help you in your marriage journey. Ask God to lead you to the right people.
Of course, your marriage remains to be a covenant between you as a couple and Christ. But for us, we are blessed to be accountable to another couple in church, Czikoi and Gepay Bautista, whom we go to for counsel and/or comfort, or correction. It didn’t just happen for us. I had to ask Gepay if she would take me under her wing and she said yes. You have to ask because sometimes, they are not aware that you are not yet in any bible group.
We are also blessed to have a few friends back in our previous church, King & Phoebe and Yeng and Michelle, that we can confide in and seek wisdom or comfort from when we need it.
So, my point here is, you don’t need too many people if it’s hard to gain that, a few, trusted, Christ-centered ones are enough.
3. Make time for one another.
According to the Mercados, couples need to spend time together for at least 15 hours a week — that’s also according to researcher and writer, John Gottman of thegeneroushusband.com and His Needs, Her Needs book author, William F. Harley, jr.
Whatever your season is, couples must make time to fill each other’s love tanks and take the opportunity to ask your spouse, “how can I serve you this season?”
This question reminded me of the marriage retreat we attended in 2019. It was specifically on sex and how it isn’t about self-gratification but on giving of self, but in this workshop, it was made clear that it is applicable in all aspects of your relationship with the one you said “I do” to.
(READ: Best Friends forever, three intimacies in Marriage)
Pastor Patrick & Carla say that the most important thing for us to remember in order to navigate our seasons are our constants:
Devotion to each other.
Devotion to the LORD.
Matthew 22: 36 says, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.”
“Fear God and keep His commandments” Ecclesiastes 12:13.
Pastor Patrick weighted on the essentials. “Seasons will change,” he said, “but the essentials — God and Spouse — must not. God is the constant to hold onto in different seasons.”
There was a Q & A at the latter part of the event, but I think that these are topics best explained in person, than in a blog. So if you have any questions or need biblical counseling for your marriage, I recommend that you send a message or call Victory center at +63(2)88171212/+63(2)88176130 or email [email protected] and ask to be connected to the pastoral department.
Just to be clear, I am able to give you the above contact information because I am a member of Victory BGC, but by no means am I suggesting that it is the only church that you can go to and seek help from.
There are a plenty of Bible-based Christian churches in Manila alone, ask God to lead you to the community that can help you grow in your relationship with Him and in your marriage.
And please do not hesitate to let me know how you’re doing and if my blogs have helped you in some way. It would be nice to know how my readers are doing lately.
Cheers, everyone!